Crafting a support network as a parent
It’s a world that few understand, leave alone experience on a daily basis. Yet, the often over-looked hurdles and joys for parents of youngsters who are living with medical conditions and/or disabilities are many.
On the parenting upside, there’s the hugs and smiles, the slow and steady improvements, the milestones moments and the good news phone calls and appointments. The downside – the chaos, the waiting and worrying, the unexpected isolation from other families and children, the potential social stigma and the sheer mountain of different experiences that are part of every day. And, of course, there’s the need to arrange for a basket of supports for you, your child and the rest of your family that may just rise to the top of your to do list.
Where to begin
While we’ve all heard, “it takes a village to raise a child”, for many families it can be hard –very hard–to figure out how to assemble this fantastic sounding village. This is especially when finances are tight, you’re a single parent, there is an estranged family situation or when older family members need care themselves.
Let’s look at how to create a robust support network that feels real, authentic and is actually helpful? There are a few places to start:
Finding like-minded connections
Build connections with other parents and friends who have similar lived experience. Ask teachers, social workers and therapists for introductions and meet-up ideas. Even if your circumstances vary slightly, look for commonality in your day-to-day experiences. Look to live or on-line parenting groups, workshops and conferences in areas of interest/need.
Discover community programs
Local resources might be better than you think. Ask your MP or MPP or municipal counsellors for help. Between advocacy groups, community organizations that provide support services and other social events they’re often in the know. Visits to libraries and early years centres can provide nice touchpoints and resources.
Add professionals to your network
There usually a team of medical and education related professionals that will provide as much information and support as they can. Work to build lasting relationships by scheduling regular check ins with teachers, therapists and others. Utilize open communication and share insights about what works best for your child. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice when handling challenges. Collaboration is a crucial aspect to generating a trustworthy and reliable support network.
Learn to advocate (with grace)
Find passionate others who can help lobby for increased funding, services or changes to existing providers and supports. Advocacy groups can also help you meet peers who share your passion for change. Don’t be afraid to open up and share your story as this can inspire connection and call attention to the needs of parents and families.
Don’t discount family and friends
Not all family relationships are clear cut and easy. However, when possible, finding and securing familial or friendship support can be invaluable. Education is key so be sure to share updates, training and tips to pave the way for smooth, safe assistance.
Find faith-based or different interest groups
Individuals and groups focused on shared interest and beliefs such as religious groups, exercise clubs, wellness leaders and enrichment clubs are all examples of people and places you may find a sense of community.
Search online and join
Digital versions of all these resources that are easy (and generally free) to access and require less travel and time commitments. From regional Facebook groups for local parents, to online forums to connect parents of youngsters with medical conditions, there’s a whole world out there, literally. Sometimes looking for a group or single parent with similar experiences in another country may be worth a shot. Ideas include: Facebook, Meetup, Autism Speaks, Understood.org or Sick Kids or a local children’s treatment centre.
Prioritize self care
Seek out personal emotional support by talking to a therapist and creating a safe space where you can process emotions and develop coping strategies.
Schedule time to give back to yourself and recharge when necessary. Activities such as yoga, journaling, taking time outside and other hobbies like baking or crochet can be a great way to pour into yourself.
Ripple effect…
Additional relationships have been shown to foster your child’s development and ability to thrive. They also support you and yours.
Extended family, teachers, coaches, trusted friends, doctors and therapists all have a collective impact and influence. These relationships not only nurture communication and emotional regulation but allow for the long-term building of feelings of security, creativity and confidence.
Research highlights
Recent studies found that:
• Children from high-risk backgrounds turned out to be more resilient when they formed bonds with caring and trusting older adults.
• Having a healthy connection to social networks and supports caused parents to report less parenting stress.
• Communities with strong formal and informal networks are associated with lower rates of child maltreatment that communities considered socially disorganized or low in levels of social cohesion.
Anjolina Rankin-West is an editorial assistant with an interest in family caregiving.
Don’t have a village?
Research from Kesselring et al. purports that “in western societies there is a trend toward parenting as a private concern, and when any presenting problems (experienced by the child or family) are referred to professionals rather than shared amongst the family’s social networks. In this approach, the village shrinks considerably, especially when professional services are limited or are not accessed by the family (for whatever reason)”.
Images: iStock. National Cancer Institute, Unsplash.
