How to raise siblings who have a strong bond

When parents imagine their children growing up together, they often picture warm moments of play, brother sister loyalty, and companionship that last a lifetime. But that’s not always the case.

In reality, sibling relationships can be complicated. Rivalry, competition for attention, medical or behavioural issues and personality clashes sometimes leave parents worried their children will not become as close as they’d hoped. The good news however is that while you can’t eliminate every conflict or all feelings of resentment, you can create a positive family culture where respect, cooperation, and affection will have a better chance of taking hold.

Navigating differences

Raising siblings who don’t dislike each other is not about orchestrating constant harmony. It is about teaching children how to understand and work around their differences in ways that strengthen their bonds rather than break them.

Parents, grandparents and caregivers can play a key role in creating the right atmosphere by modeling kindness, guiding conflict, and nurturing a sense of shared identity that extends beyond childhood.

Start with fairness, not perfect equality: One of the most common triggers of sibling rivalry is the perception that one child is favoured over another. Children are keen observers. If they consistently sense that their sibling receives more attention, praise, or leniency, resentment can take hold. This does not mean parents must treat children identically. Each child has unique needs and personalities, and fairness often looks different in practice.

For example, a younger child may need more hands-on help with schoolwork, while an older child might crave more independence. Instead of rigid equality, aim for responsiveness. Take the time to explain why each child may receive different kinds of support, making it clear that all needs matter and no one is valued more. When children see that fairness doesn’t mean sameness, they are less likely to see their sibling as a rival.

Encourage connection through shared experiences: Strong sibling bonds are built not only in daily routines but also through shared adventures, fun experiences and lasting memories. Activities that encourage teamwork, rather than competition, can help brothers and sisters see each other as allies. This might include family or cultural traditions, collaborative games, or even simple rituals like nightly story-time together.

Of course, not every child will enjoy the same activities, and forcing constant togetherness might backfire. The key is strike a balance: make space for shared experiences while also respecting individual interests.

When siblings work toward a common goal such as building a blanket fort, raising money for charity, baking cookies, or helping with a family project there exists a wonderful opportunity to build a sense of camaraderie. This togetherness can, ideally, carry over into other parts of their relationship.

Teach healthy conflict resolution: Disagreements between siblings are inevitable. What matters most is how they are handled. Instead of rushing in to solve disputes yourself, let children find ways to resolve disagreements respectfully. This involves teaching skills such as listening without interrupting, expressing feelings without insults, and finding suitable compromises.

Younger children may need more structure to help them resolve conflicts. Parents can coach by giving each child a turn to speak and helping them name their emotions. As children grow older, it’s important to step back gradually and encourage them to figure out how to use the tools you’ve given them to resolve issues on their own.

The goal is not to eliminate arguments but to equip siblings with tools for navigating differences of opinion and difficult behaviours in healthier ways. Over time, these lessons also prepare them for relationships outside the family.

Avoid labels and comparisons: Parents sometimes unintentionally fuel sibling rivalry by assigning labels such as “the smart one,” “the funny one,” or “the athletic one.” While meant as praise, these labels can box children into roles that breed jealously, competition or comparison. Also, saying things like, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” may motivate in the short term but can sow divisive feelings in the long run.

Instead, experts suggest focusing on acknowledging each child’s individuality without setting them against each other. Celebrate specific achievements without turning them into a contest, and try to highlight each child’s unique qualities. When children feel seen for who they are, they are less likely to compete for approval.

Model respect and empathy: Children learn how to treat one another by watching how their parents treat each other and how they interact with friends, family and service providers. When parents model respect, patience, and empathy – toward their children, their partner, and even strangers –their children absorb these lessons. Simply put, when they see adults resolving disagreements calmly, they are more likely to mimic this type of behaviour in their own interactions.

It is also powerful for parents to show empathy directly between siblings. For example, if one child is upset, it’s wise to try and involve the others in comforting them, problem-solving or helping them feel safe. This builds the idea that they are all part of the same team. Over time, this empathy becomes a natural part of how siblings respond to one another.

Give each child individual attention: Ironically, one of the best ways to strengthen sibling relationships is with one-on-one time with a parent. This reduces the need to compete for attention and approval. Even short moments matter: a weekly walk with one child, an after dinner game another, or letting one help with a task while the other enjoys independent play.

By giving each child opportunities for one-on-one connection, you send the message that they do not have to fight for love but that it is already theirs. Siblings who feel secure in their individual relationships with parents are more open to positive connections with each other.

Respect differences and give space: Not all siblings will become inseparable best friends and pushing them too much may lead to resistance or discomfort. For some, the relationship may be steady but reserved. For others, it may grow into a deep companionship. What matters most is respect, politeness and a caring attitude.

Encouraging respect for differences is especially important as children grow older. They may have different social circles, hobbies, or outlooks. Parents can reinforce that diversity in personalities and choices is a strength, not a weakness. Sometimes the healthiest approach is giving siblings space to grow independently while leaving the door open for connection when they are ready.

Foster long-term connection: The sibling bond doesn’t end with childhood. As youth transition into adulthood, the family culture you nurtured continues to influence how they relate to one another. Encourage traditions that can carry forward in life, holiday gatherings, group chats, or annual activities. At the same time, respect that adult siblings may choose different levels of closeness depending on their life and new family circumstances.

Adult siblings can and will define their own relationships. And, while you cannot dictate how your children feel about each other, the foundation of respect, empathy, and fairness you have instilled will always give them a stronger base for connection.