Often it can feel like conversations with your children are few and far in between. Responses are short, conversations go in loops, and you find yourself hard pressed to gain any real understanding of how they spent their day at school, or what their friends are like.
Communicating is important at any age. The family unit and the time at school provides the basis of how kids will communicate for the rest of their lives. Positive two-way dialogue helps to build self-esteem and their ability to listen is often modeled by the way people listen to them. Whether parenting a child, tween or teen here are important considerations that can help with improved connection and conversations.
Chatting with children
When children are very young it’s important to listen attentively rather than focus on correction. Give your child time to finish their sentence. Use simple language, and, of course, enhance their vocabulary. Refrain from overusing ‘baby talk’. This will help them learn good grammar and proper sentence structure.
Encouragement is key. Take time out of your day to listen to your child talk about their interests. Ask them open ended questions about something that excites them. It can be tough to talk about difficult issues without the addition of criticism, over-reaction or blame. Fostering a safe environment will provide your child with the trust that they can keep talking to you.
When a child is living with a disability, it’s important to remember to talk to and get information directly from them, be it social, medical or activity preferences for instance. Giving kids this chance to express themselves can be incredibly powerful, and helpful in boosting their well-being. Open communication also works to best understand your child’s support needs, how they are feeling and where pain or discomfort points may be present.
Talking to teens
Teenagers can be a different story, as they’re at the stage where they are beginning to detach from their parents and form some sense of independence. This can lead to friction on both ends. The addition of teens facing real world consequences for their actions can bring an added layer of stress and worry that may lead to strained conversations.
The importance of a healthy and trusting parent child relationship is crucial at this stage. Remain patient and remember taking a step back to listen is bound to be more effective than asking direct or threatening questions. Success is found when a teen feels better understood, even if you don’t agree or understand them.
Kylie MacKenzie is a staff writer for Today’s Kids in Motion.
Questions to ask instead of “How was your day?”
Often after school conversations are hard to come by, two word answers are common.
Here are some questions you may want to consider to get chats started:
1) What made you smile?
2) How would you rate your day on a scale of one to 10?
3) If one of your friends could be the teacher for the day, who would you want it to be?
4) Was today a good day?
5) What’s one thing you did today that helped a friend or your teacher?
6) When did you feel most proud of yourself today?
Photos: iStock. Vitaly Gariev. Fery Abdurrahman.
